


All I Can Give You

by Silverofyou



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Marauders, Marauders era, harry potter fandom, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-17 02:23:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9299900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silverofyou/pseuds/Silverofyou
Summary: A Christmas-y fic, long overdue.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [teamfreetitan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/teamfreetitan/gifts).



> Hello hello, I'm back with my first wolfstar, christmas fic. I'm super late, I know, but it took me ages to finish it.
> 
> This is a gift for Hayley because I'm a horrible friend and I forgot her birthday so I'm making it up to her.  
> Hayley, I love you.
> 
> Title taken from "All I Can Give You" by Jason Lancaster.
> 
> Enjoy!

December was definitely one of Sirius's least favorite months of the year. 

It'd not always been that way, clearly, but obviously being thrown out of his house and disowned was expected to have that effect on him. The winter of his fifth year had been a nightmare, since he had refused to go to James's home for Christmas (he was  _ not _ going to impose his presence there any other time than the summer break), and Peter and Remus had had to go home too.

"I could stay. I can just owl my parents..." Remus had suggested then, but Sirius had refused that as well.

"No you can't. I'll be all right, Moony. I can take care of myself. Say hi to your parents from me," he had replied, grinning. Remus hadn't looked convinced, but in the end had given up and smiled in that way that made Sirius's stomach drop.

"Try not to poison yourself with pudding," he'd said at last. "I'll write to you soon." And then he had left.

It had been the worst Christmas he had ever had.

This year, however, thanks to some sort of miracle, all his 3 friends were staying.

 

"Least we could do, Padfoot," said James when he noticed Sirius gaping at them after delivering the news. He stretched on the sofa, looking up at his friend from where he had his head on his lap. "Plus, my aunts from Scotland are coming, and no thank you."

Sirius looked at him one moment longer, then broke into the biggest grin. 

The Common Room was empty except for the four of them and a few third years, and it felt warm and cozy next to the fire. 

Remus, who had been reading a book curled up on an armchair, curled up even more, dropping the book on the floor with a soft thud, and yawned, looking sleepy. Sirius looked up in time to see him rub his eyes tiredly with the hem of his sleeves and positively thought he himself would faint.

"I told my mum and dad during the summer I wanted to stay," Remus said, his voice heavy with laziness and just a bit hoarse. Sirius tried to keep his breathing normal and his face straight for the sake of James, who was now lying across his lap almost entirely. "They argued a bit but I told them I would not let you spend another Christmas alone. Then I got on the train." The Marauders sniggered, and Remus smiled. "They owled me the next day saying that I would at least have to write."

He met Sirius's gaze and grinned, and Sirius smiled and looked down at James, who was attempting drowsily to bite his knee. Sirius swatted at the back of his head, and he stopped.

"What'd your parents say, Wormtail?" James asked, having given up on trying to bite Sirius and sitting up on the sofa, yawning loudly. 

"Got mad, kind of," Peter replied, scratching the back of his head. He was sitting on the floor against the opposite sofa. "Not big deal, they just told me not to expect any presents." He shrugged, and he really seemed not to care all that much.

Remus stretched out his hand and patted the top of Peter's head consolingly.

"Well that's not too bad," said Sirius finally. "What're we going to do while we're here anyway?"

James turned to look at him from above his glasses in a way that Sirius knew (and was totally up for, too) meant trouble. 

"Oh, what're we  _ not _ going to do."

Peter laughed.

Remus groaned.

 

***

 

“You sure this is safe?” Peter asked for the twentieth time in half an hour. This time, no one even bothered to reply. Sirius had his wand between his teeth, and was attempting to untie a knot that had proven magic-proof so far. 

They were all inside one of the secret passageways, and had settled for the first prank of the Christmas break to be an explosion of Dungbombs next to the slytherin dungeons. 

“Aha!” Sirius yelled after a few minutes of tense, excited silence. “Got ‘em.” And he started to pass two Dungbombs at a time to the others, who took them carefully and slipped them inside their robes.

"Right, well," James said, opening the half-finished Marauder's map. "I think we can leave this for tomorrow. Filch's in the fifth floor so we're safe to come out."

They all stepped under the Cloak and walked carefully to the entrance of the passageway. 

"Fuck, Padfoot, my foot" whispered Remus, and Sirius muttered a 'sorry' while James hissed "shhhh."

Once they knew no one was around, they pulled off the cloak and started walking towards the Great Hall.

"I'm hungry," said Sirius after a while. James made an agreeing sound.

"I think dinner is over by now," Remus said, and upon seeing Sirius's face of agony, he sighed and added, "we could go to the kitchen?"

Sirius grinned and threw his arm around Remus's shoulder. "Don't you have great ideas, Moons." Remus made as if to push him away, but it was half-hearted, and so they walked the rest of the way with Sirius clinging to his shoulders and Remus's heart beating wildly inside his ribcage.

 

When they got to the kitchens, the house-elves practically flew to meet them, offering all kinds of tarts and pastries, and Sirius was once again grateful for the existence of these big-nosed little creatures.

"Will Mr. Black want some of this pudding to take with him?" Asked one of them in a high-pitched voice. Sirius had eaten half a tray by himself already, but couldn't find it in himself to refuse. The house-elf squeaked and handed him a plate of deliciously warm, straight-out-of-the-oven pudding, bowing and looking deliriously happy. Sirius smiled, thanked him, and the house-elf ran back to do his job, whatever that was now.

"They love us, don't they?" James said as they went through the hole behind the fruit bowl painting and out into the corridors, once again pulling the Cloak over themselves. "I don't know what I would do without these weekly visits to the kitchen. I don't know what  _ they _ would do."

"Their tarts are just godly," said Peter in a dreamy voice, and Sirius snorted. 

They walked through the corridors towards the common room. The night was clear and there was a thin silver trace of moonlight, and Sirius glanced momentarily at Remus upon seeing it, saw the way his friend's shoulders tensed slightly with the grace of the light, and bit his lip, looking away. The full moon would be two nights after Christmas Eve, and its proximity showed on the strain in Remus's features and the tension in his muscles. 

Thinking about all this, Sirius barely registered that they had gotten to the common room until he almost kept walking straight into James's back as he paused to say the password to the Fat Lady.

"Fera visci." The portrait opened to let them through, and once inside they all came out of the cloak. There were two fourth year girls cuddled on a couch by the window, but other than that they were alone.

"Well this was very nice and everything," Jame said, stretching his arms over his head and yawning loudly, "but I'm fucking exhausted. G'night." And he disappeared through the stairs to their dorm. Peter muttered a goodnight as well and followed, but Sirius flung himself on the couch closer to the fire, grabbed a cushion against his chest, looked up at Remus and said, "join me?"

Remus stood there, looking at him for a few seconds, and finally sighed and sat where Sirius's head was so that the boy would rest it on his lap. He started to run his fingers through Sirius's hair absentmindedly, staring into the fire, and Sirius closed his eyes, smiling. Remus looked down at him.

"No wonder your Animagus is a dog," he said as he scratched the back of Sirius's head softly. 

"Your fingers are magical, Moony," Sirius replied without opening his eyes. "Thanks for staying with me," he said after a few minutes of silence, so quietly that at first Remus thought he had imagined it. As he looked at the boy on his lap, Remus realized that he meant every word, that he was serious in a way that Sirius almost never was. He willed his fingers to keep moving, carding through his friend’s black, silky locks. 

"Wouldn't have dreamed of leaving you alone," he said softly, and Sirius opened his eyes. Remus almost felt the urge to look away; they were so open and grateful it hurt to look into them too long, and he felt the sudden desire to hurt Sirius's family for making their son feel so utterly helpless and hopeless. And yet he couldn't look away, and so they stared at each other for what felt like hours, until Sirius closed his eyes again and rearranged himself on the couch, resting his cheek against Remus's thighs, facing the fireplace. Remus resumed his "scalp massage," as Sirius called it, and felt his friend's breathing even out. Remus checked one of the clocks on the nearest wall- it was ten past eleven. 

_ Five minutes and I'll get us to bed _ , he thought, even as his eyelids became heavier and the light of the fire brighter and blurrier, and the weight on his lap felt lighter.

Remus, for the first time since he could remember, had no nightmares. For the first time, neither of them woke up screaming.

 

***

 

As Christmas day approached, the full moon approached, and soon the Marauders were the only ones who could come close to Remus without being snapped at for just breathing. Well, almost.

"Prongs would you  _ please _ stop that? It's driving me insane," Remus snapped at James as he threw the snitch once more in the air and caught it. James looked at him resentfully but put the little golden ball inside his pocket. "Thank you," Remus added hastily.

They were in the library, sitting at one of the tables and surrounded by papers and books that looked more than two centuries old. Sirius had his head on his arms on the table, and was drooling in his sleep, while Pete dozed off over a dusty gigantic volume, and Remus massaged his temples. James, after Remus's scolding, was doodling on an empty piece of parchment.

"Moony this is insane, we've been here all morning. Can't we just leave it for after Christmas?" James said, putting down the quill. "Look," he added when he saw Remus's face flash with annoyance, "I want to finish the map as much as you, really, but we're getting nowhere. We're all tired. Let's go have lunch and then we can all go to the Common Room and play Snap or something."

Remus looked like he was going to hit him, but finally clenched his jaw and closed the book he was reading, making Sirius jump. Remus glared at the three of them, stood up, and stomped away, leaving his friends to stare at his back dumbfounded.

"You coming or what?!" He yelled from the door, and the three Marauders scrambled up to follow him. They knew better than to say anything else.

 

***

 

Remus hated the week closer to the full moon. He hated it so much, especially because he just couldn't seem to control himself, and he was in so much pain he sometimes was surprised to find out he hadn't passed out yet.

Mostly, he hated the way everyone seemed to walk on nails around him. He couldn't blame them, not really; he knew he was likely to yell or lose his temper more easily. But the fact that Christmas was just two days before the full moon made him want to throw things against wall and pull out his hair because he couldn’t believe he would be in so much pain during Christmas, and he couldn’t believe he’d have to watch his friends be all careful around him during fucking  _ Christmas.  _

As always, though, he’d have to pretend he was okay, would have to pretend he just felt a little tired, nothing more. 

The music was giving him headaches, though.

After finally managing to sneak up to his room in the middle of the Christmas Eve party going on downstairs, he laid down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Well; he was actually lying down on Sirius’s bed, but they had been ending up in it together so much since first year when both of them had been victims of horrible nightmares and memories from their ugly, ugly past, he no longer told them appart. He thought about all those times Sirius had woken up screaming, sometimes crying, and Remus had woken up with a start and a fist clenching his heart so hard he thought he’d die, and he’d slipped into his friend’s bed, shaking him awake, hugging him from behind and whispering “shh, Sirius, it’s okay, she’s not here, they’re not here, it’s just me. Just me.” Sirius would usually then turn around and bury his face in the crook of Remus’s neck-- bony and uncomfortable as a 12 year old could be, but Sirius had never seemed to mind--, and would shake with silent sobs against him while Remus ran a hand through his hair soothingly until they were both able to go back to sleep.

Same thing applied for when Remus woke up with his own pain-filled nightmares. It was just how it was. 

The sound of the door creaking open pulled him away from his trance.

“Moony,” he heard Sirius said, but didn’t turn around. Eventually he felt the mattress dipping next to him, and he turned to see the boy looking at him worriedly. “One to ten?”

Remus pondered. He was tempted to lie, didn’t really want to tell Sirius his pain was on about fifty, but decided against it. “Nine,” he replied softly.

He saw Sirius wince, and then saw his eyes turn warm and caring in a way that they only were with him, and his breath caught in his throat. Sirius ran a hand through Remus’s hair.

“Moony, you never say anything,” he said so quietly Remus thought he was most likely talking to himself. Then he took off his boots, and gave Remus a little push. “Scoot over.”

Remus obliged, and as Sirius pressed himself behind him, he was aware of his friend’s every move, and the warmth coming from his body, and the light scent of eggnog lingering in his breath. He willed himself not to turn around to face him. 

“How can I help?” Sirius asked, lips pressed against Remus’s hair. He tried not to shiver at the contact. 

“Just stay where you are. You help,” and in all honesty, he was actually feeling just a little bit better already, little bit less on edge. He closed his eyes.

 

When Remus woke up, Sirius was already awake. Sirius tried to look as if he hadn’t been awake for long, but he’d been awake for hours, trying to keep Remus from thrashing in his sleep, whispering soothing words and smoothing out his tense, pained features with his thumb. James and Peter had come up sometime around midnight, James whispering excitedly about how he’d  _ almost  _ gotten Evans  _ again,  _ and _ “Seriously, Prongs,”  _ Sirius had whispered.  _ “If you’re going to be so loud let it at least be worth it,”  _ and after James had stuck out his tongue, Sirius had closed the curtains around his bed and had tightened his grip around Remus’s middle, feeling so protective towards him it almost scared him.

“M’rnin’,” Remus whispered now, sleepily, rubbing his eyes in that adorable way that got Sirius feeling slightly dizzy. 

“Merry Christmas,” Sirius replied, pushing hair back from Remus’s face. Remus’s eyelids fluttered shut again.

“Hmm time ‘s ‘t?” he mumbled, finding it really hard to stay awake. 

“Around seven,” said Sirius. “It shouldn’t be long before James is-”

“WAKEY WAKEY MY CANINE FRIENDS!” James’s face popped in the gap between the curtains, and he threw them open, revealing a very hungover-looking Peter and a mountain of all their presents gathered in the middle of the room.  _ Goodbye sleep,  _ thought Remus. He grunted and fell back into the pillows, rubbed his eyes once more, and followed his friends to the pile of wrapped boxes. 

“Merry Christmas,” muttered Peter, pinching the bridge of his nose, but looking excited. 

“Merry Christmas indeed!” yelled James, taking the first gift from the pile. 

 

***

 

Once all the presents had been opened and put aside, Remus decided it was still too early to be out of bed, and slipped back under the covers. The others followed his example, and soon there were three beds occupied by tired, snoring teenagers. Well, at least Peter was snoring. Remus didn’t know about James, and it certainly wasn’t Sirius, who happened to be lying next to him, facing the ceiling, an arm thrown over his eyes.

“Moony,” Sirius whispered, two heartbeats after Remus curled up against him. 

“Hmm?”

“Look at me,” Sirius breathed out. Remus did. His heart might have skipped a beat at the look on Sirius’s face. “I’m not crazy, am I?”

Remus knew what he meant even before he saw Sirius’s eyes flicker to his lips. “No,” he whispered almost inaudibly, and shook his head a bit to emphasize. 

The smile Sirius gave him was that of a man so relieved he had finally been able to breathe again. “Good,” Remus thought he’d said, but he didn’t know and didn’t care because now there was a foreign and yet so familiar feeling on his lips, and he felt warm all over, and his senses wear all on edge, but- it felt good. There was no pain, he didn’t feel so sick anymore. His senses had focused on something else entirely.

“Merry christmas, Remus,” Sirius whispered against Remus’s lips.

Remus kissed him harder.

 

FIN

  
  
  



End file.
